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10
Things Successful People Never Do Again
By Henry
Cloud
“We don’t need new
ways to fail… the old ones are working just fine!”
“Never go
back.” What does that mean?
From
observations of successful people, clinical psychologist and author of Never Go
Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again (Howard Books, June
2014), Dr. Henry Cloud has discovered certain
“awakenings” that people have — in life and in business — that once they have
them, they never go back to the old way of doing things.
And when
that happens, they are never the same. In short, they got it.
“Years ago, a bad business decision of mine led to an interesting
discussion with my mentor,” Dr. Cloud says.
“I had learned a valuable lesson the hard way, and he reassured me:
‘The good thing is once you learn that lesson, you never go back. You never do
it again.’
“I wondered, what are the key awakenings that successful people
go through that forever change how they do things, which propel them to succeed
in business, relationships, and life? I began to study these awakenings,
researching them over the years.”
Although
life and business have many lessons to teach us, Dr. Cloud observed 10
“doorways” of learning that high performers go through, never to return
again.
Successful
people never again…
1. Return
to what hasn’t worked.
Whether a
job, or a broken relationship that was ended for a
good reason, we should never go back to the same thing, expecting different
results, without something being different.
2. Do anything that requires them to be someone they are not.
In
everything we do, we have to ask ourselves, Why am I doing this? Am I
suited for it? Does it fit me? Is it sustainable? If the answer is no
to any of these questions, you better have a very good reason to proceed.
3. Try
to change another person.
When you
realize that you cannot force someone into doing something, you give him or her
freedom and allow them to experience the consequences. In doing so, you find
your own freedom as well.
4. Believe
they can please everyone.
Once you
get that it truly is impossible to please everyone, you begin to live
purposefully, trying to please the right people.
5. Choose short-term comfort over long-term benefit.
Once
successful people know they want something that requires a painful,
time-limited step, they do not mind the painful step because it gets them to a
long-term benefit. Living out this principle is one of the most fundamental
differences between successful and unsuccessful people, both personally and
professionally.
6. Trust someone or something that appears flawless.
It’s
natural for us to be drawn to things and people that appear “incredible.” We
love excellence and should always be looking for it.
We should
pursue people who are great at what they do, employees who are high performers,
dates who are exceptional people, friends who have stellar character and
companies that excel.
But when
someone or something looks too good to be true, he, she or it is. The world is imperfect. Period. No one and
no thing is without flaw, and if they appear that way, hit pause.
7. Take
their eyes off the big picture.
We
function better emotionally and perform better in our lives when we can see the
big picture. For successful people, no one event is ever the whole story.
Winners remember that—each and every day.
8. Neglect
to do due diligence.
No matter
how good something looks on the outside, it is only by taking a deeper,
diligent and honest look that we will find out what we truly need to know: the
reality that we owe ourselves.
9. Fail to ask why they are where they find themselves.
One of
the biggest differences between successful people and others is that in love
and in life, in relationships and in business, successful people always ask
themselves, What part am I playing in this situation? Said
another way, they do not see themselves as victims, even when they are.
10. Forget that their inner life determines their outer
success.
The good
life sometimes has little to do with outside circumstances. We are happy and
fulfilled mostly by who we are on the inside. Research validates that. And our
internal lives largely contribute to producing many of our external
circumstances.
Become a better you with 6 simple habits.
And, the
converse is true: People who are still trying to find success in various areas
of life can almost always point to one or more of these patterns as a reason
they are repeating the same mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes… even the most successful
people out there. But, what achievers do better than others is recognize the
patterns that are causing those mistakes and never repeat them again. In short,
they learn from pain — their own and the pain of others.
A good
thing to remember is this: Pain is unavoidable, but repeating the same pain
twice, when we could choose to learn and do something different, is certainly
avoidable.
I like to say, “We don’t need new ways to fail… the old ones
are working just fine!”
Our task,
in business and in life, is to observe what they are, and never go back to
doing them again
Editor’s note: This
post was originally published in June 2014 and has been updated for freshness,
accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Dr. Henry Cloud is a psychologist,
leadership consultant and New York Times best-selling author. His
newest book is called The Power of the Other: The Startling Effect Other People Have
on You, From the Boardroom to the Bedroom and Beyond—and What to Do About It.
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