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Defining Success
How
to Define Success on Your Own Terms
Karima Mariama-Arthur
A wise person once said, “Nothing has meaning except the
meaning we give it.”
Pretty
simple, yet profound. Fortunately, this idea can be applied to virtually any
hypothetical imaginable.
Acts or
omissions. Unsolicited advice. Unanticipated outcomes. Even how we define
success.
When
Viktor Frankl wrote Man’s Search for Meaning, he
did far more than chronicle his experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration
camps during World War II.
He also
provided a powerful way to identify one’s purpose and motivation in life — how
we confer meaning on events and outcomes determines the “reality” of those events
and outcomes.
According
to Frankl, metaphysics played
a huge role in a prisoner’s survival: However he or she imagined the future
affected physical and mental endurance.
As an
extension of this psychotherapeutic method,
he effectively modeled how we, as individuals, could experience success on our
own terms.
How
we view success and our access to it is often limited by someone else’s
definition. We feel badly when we feel we haven’t measured up to an external
standard.
In
doing so, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to define and appreciate our
unique experiences and how they impact our lives for the better.
If
you’ve grappled with what success means to you, it’s time to take control of
the narrative and determine what it means for you — on your own terms. Here’s
how.
Intimate Relationships
The
hashtag #relationshipgoals has been around on social media for a while now.
It’s used when someone feels enamored of a couple who exemplifies what looks
like a successful relationship.
Most
often the “labeler” doesn’t even know the couple and is making a judgment call
based on superficial and limited information.
When assessing your relationship, instead of comparing its net worth to the
assets of the couple next door, ask: “What is the value of this relationship
in its own right?” and “How do we mutually contribute to make our lives
better?”
You’ll
see rather quickly that a successful relationship is one best defined by you
and your partner.
Parenting
Parenting
isn’t easy and it doesn’t come with a manual. Most parents admit they’ve
experienced both highs and lows as they’ve grown through the process.
But
when some parents seem to execute the role like a scene from Leave
It to Beaver, it’s easy to become a little discouraged.
Instead
of criticizing yourself (or your children)
for not being “more like them,” give yourself credit for being the best parent
you can be.
Appreciate
your child for their own attributes and efforts. And be honest with yourself.
If
there are areas where you can do better, focus on those things and give
them your best shot. The successful parent is one who realizes that love and
commitment matter.
If you
are willing to give of yourself unconditionally to help your children thrive, you’re doing OK.
Professional Achievements
You’ve
worked hard to get where you are. But with modest professional real estate
reflecting your efforts, it can feel like you haven’t achieved much.
This is
especially true when your friends and colleagues are laying claim to a litany
of professional accolades in comparison.
John is
working for a Fortune 100
firm, situated in a prestigious corner office with a view. Elaine has
continually climbed the corporate ladder, recently making it to the C-suite,
with a handsome salary and competitive annual performance bonuses.
Instead
of comparing apples to oranges — and the problem truly lies in comparing anything at all — consider the magnitude
of what you have already achieved.
Take
time to appreciate your unique and hard-wrought professional trek. Then, best yourself in the
next round of your journey.
The
most successful professionals know that they are their competition and strive
daily to become better than they were before.
Material Possessions
Material
wealth can be an enticing motivation for working hard. And showcasing status
through “things” is certainly an individual’s prerogative.
After
all, people should enjoy the fruits of their labor.
However,
if you view material possessions as the overwhelming proof that someone has
arrived — maybe you’ve got it wrong.
If
you are not able to “keep up with the Joneses,” ask yourself why you
are competing in the first place.
Better
to get things because you enjoy them, rather than to impress and compete with
others.
The
most successful people see acquiring material possessions as benefits of the
labor bargain, not a method of competing with phantom rivalries.
Happiness
Happiness is a subjective concept. What makes one
person happy may not satisfy the next.
That
said, consider overall happiness as a fundamental component of your success.
When
determining whether you are “successful,” also ask yourself whether you are
happy. The answer might surprise you, as the concepts are not mutually
exclusive.
Success
is truly a function of how you define it.
Whatever the next person has amassed or achieved is none of your business.
Instead
of comparing and contrasting your wins against others’, focus on finding the
light in your own life, and success will no doubt illuminate it.
A leading authority on leadership development
and organizational performance management, Karima brings more than 25 years of
comprehensive, blue chip experience in law, business and academia to every
client engagement. A shrewd advisor to distinguished organizations from DC to
Dubai, her expert insights help clients to successfully navigate today's
ever-changing and competitive global business environment. Karima is the author
of the internationally acclaimed and 2019 NAACP Image Award nominated leadership
guidebook, Poised
For Excellence: Fundamental Principles of Effective Leadership in the Boardroom
and Beyond (Palgrave Macmillan), which launched at the United States
Military Academy at West Point. As an extension of her work, she speaks
regularly both nationally and internationally in her areas of expertise and
serves in an advisory capacity on select corporate boards.
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